filling the holes

We took a beach trip yesterday with some friends and I took some lovely pictures, had a wonderful time, etc. but came home with an image nagging me at the back of my heart that I could not forget. It was an image of a group of beautiful teenagers sitting together fifty yards away from us, hunched together, partaking in some "light" drug use. By "light" I mean they weren't shooting up, but the drugs were definitely illegal and they were definitely attempting to conceal their activities. It was such a sad scene to me. So much so that I carried it all the way home, sat with it through dinner, and when I went to post all of our fun beach pictures for you I just could not stir up the energy to do it. Instead, I kept coming back to these images of the little stone heart that one of our kids had discovered on the sandy shore.

I was angry at first for their lack of judgment in doing drugs in front of innocent children on the beach. Even though our kids had no idea what was going on it still bothered me. My first inclination was to walk right over and shout, "Are you kidding me?!"

I was angry for their lack of wisdom, their immaturity.

I was angry for their blatant dishonesty and foolishness for thinking they were "hiding" it. 

I was angry for their lack of integrity.

And I was angry that any attempt by me to gently confront them would be met with disrespect, a total disregard for adult wisdom and encouragement to embrace a little forethought before bringing their drugs to a public beach.

Then my anger bled to sadness. 

I was sad for their young lives, already tainted by poison, and the lie that told them that what they were doing was harmless to their bodies and psyche. 

I was sad that they believed that doing drugs was somehow satisfying something within them that told them they needed them. Wanted them.

I was sad that they believed they were having "fun".

I was sad they were lost...already.

I was sad that somewhere there were parents being lied to. 

I was sad to think that for some of them this was just the beginning of their drug journey.

The whole scene just made me sad.

I am fully aware that in the span of those fifty yards between them and me there were twenty five years of maturity and growth and experience between us.  This is what ultimately stopped me from walking up to them: that no matter what I had to say to them would probably fall on deaf ears and deaf hearts. It's just the way of maturity.

I know that someday, many years from now, they will be sitting on a beach with their own children (if they make it that far) and feel differently about watching their younger selves do illegal drugs on a family friendly beach in front of tons of children. 

 

I hope one day they will recognize the holes they were trying to fill and the rocks they were trying to fill them with were poorly fit, inadequate for the task of making their hole-studded hearts whole.

Yet....watching those teens, and then finding these images, sent a resounding whisper to my heart that reminded me that though I am twenty five years older, I am no less guilty of using man made things to fill the empty gaps in my heart in a vain attempt to live my life "abundantly". It may not be drugs, but we all are sitting on a beach somewhere participating in some activity that we believe to be fun or satisfying or harmless to our mind and heart. (And we think no one is watching.) We are filling up bottomless holes with inadequate means and we are wondering why it is never enough to completely satisfy the wholeness we desire. Makes me want to get off the beach and stop deceiving myself.

Wow. A little food for this Friday huh? Sometimes I just get thinkin'...

And I promise to post the other fun pictures in the next couple of days. Other than the little side show, we did have a fun time soaking up the gorgeous day!

Have a great weekend.

xoxo