learning to ride

My two children are now eleven and eight. They are well mannered, well adjusted, sweet and loving kids that I love more than words can hold.  

Why then, am I still surprised when I feel as if I am still helping them ride without training wheels?

No, you cannot have a second bowl of ice cream. You'll barf.

No you cannot light a fire in the back yard.

Of course there are holes in your socks, you wear them outside.

No, you cannot have three pieces of bubble gum in your mouth at one time.

Please don't use the toilet paper for a craft project while you are doing your business in there. 

When you stink, that's a good excuse for a shower.

Of course you have to brush your teeth before bed.

No, I will not clean up that mess you made, the one you promised you would clean up.

Is it too difficult to throw the gum wrapper away, the one that is sitting on the counter right above the garbage?

Your future girl/boyfriend might not appreciate you eating with your mouth open.

Please also take time to swallow your food before shoveling another bite.

For Pete's sake, have a little salad with your Ranch dressing.

We do not put our dirty bare feet on people's pillows. It's just simple bediquette.

When we are in Target, people do not enjoy watching you pester each other.

No you cannot have dessert after breakfast.

Midnight is not an acceptable school night bed time.

When you have a big test at school the next morning, asking me to help you study while you are on your way to bed is not "thinking ahead".

Contrary to your belief, money does not grow on trees.

A sweatshirt might be appropriate in this winter, stormy weather. 

Yes, flushing the toilet after you use it is the appropriate next step.

Yep, when you wear your new shoes in the mud and rain they will get....muddy and wet.

Eating a burrito with red hot sauce while wearing your white karate uniform is probably not a good idea.

Barbie's hair will not grow back when you cut it.

No, you will not find a Playstation 3 on ebay for $1.

I'm sorry sweetie, Marshmallow Land does not exist.

Most adults do not enjoy their children's whining so I do not know why you think we do.

Let me tell you one more time why interrupting is annoying. 

If you see someone, like your mom, on the phone, this is not the time to pester your sibling.

When someone is using the bathroom, we leave him or her alone.

Though I jest, I know this is my work as a parent, to guide them into adulthood.  I work hard not to project my adult sensibilities upon them as if they should already know this stuff. Even though sometimes I am flabbergasted that they do not always seem to get the obvious,  I have had to catch myself a million and one times to not berate them for their lack of common sense. It is a daily practice in exercising mature love and patience.

Yes, sometimes I feel as if I am still in the process of shedding my own training wheels all the while trying to assist my children with removing theirs.

(Though I promise I will not bug you if you are using the toilet.)