It is a thoughtful Monday for me friends.
I have a gazillion things to say and yet there is not enough blog space to write them all.
I mentioned October was going to be crazy, but what I meant was that it was going to be full of change... emotionally trying, faith-testing, physically demanding change. I do not want to sound melodramatic, but yet I finally need to acknowledge that I believe I am in a bit of a crisis moment. I realize that I do not know most of you and sharing my personal life struggles in gory detail is not something I really do here. So I will spare you the gory details. But it is simply enough for you to know that while I take pretty pictures, seemingly might have a wonderful little life, there has been much emotional heart break, physical toil, and grieving going on behind the scenes in the last year. My marriage is fine, my kids are fine, no one is dying, it is just a chapter of chronic struggle that has come to a head this past week.
I spent four hours in the car yesterday thinking and praying about this all and struggled with the decisions I could make in regard to the health of myself and my family. I came to one conclusion:
For now, I need to step away from my photography life, yes, blog included.
This makes me deeply sad, yet oddly relieved.
Perhaps because I know in my heart that decision is right and good. You see, my family deserves my full attention in the next few weeks. The changes that are coming need my presence of mind and physical stamina. I need space to think and pray. I need to exercise a little self compassion and use the small amount of free time I have to take a walk, cook a healthy meal, read with my daughter, play a game with my son, get to bed on time.
But still, I am sad over the letting go.
Yet letting go is the only way I know how to trust God with the things that really matter to me.
So I am going to honor the few commitments I have and then I am giving him my photography and my blog. I am letting him hold those things for now and trusting that he will hand them back to me in a beautiful golden bowl of perfect timing when this chapter is over.
I know that the blogging world will continue to spin without me and I will miss it. Thankfully my camera will wait for me like a loyal friend. Though I would love to say that I will be back in a month or so, I have learned in the past year that I can make my perfect little plans but it is God who determines my steps. Somehow his path is always much better than the one I could make on my own.
If you think of me, pray for me and my family. We need it.
And thank you for all the blog lovin' you have given me over the months.
I have made some good blog friends and I am blessed to know you!
Much love,
Tracey
p.s. If this is your first time here, I am so sorry for such a bummer of a post.
Please feel free to look through the archives and find the much more livelier me, and enjoy.
18 comments:
boo for us, yet yay for you for recognizing your boundaries and knowing when to take a break. I know it's not always an easy thing to do. Hope all goes well for you guys and I'll def. be putting in some prayers for you! hugs!
Sounds familiar!
http://kbsquared.blogspot.com/2010/07/hide-mode.html
These times are to be cherished just as the 'easy' times are. There is much satisfaction in going back to the basics, even if it is forced upon you. Cook those meals, play with those kids, pray, reflect. We will wait. :)
(wrong link the first time around :p)
You got it. :) (the prayers) Love to you all.
So many people going through hard times right now. Praying for you...for peace, calm, quiet and restoration from our Heavenly Father.
love your heart tracey - i know that God will honor your commitment as a wife and a mom and give you your outlets for creativity in other ways for this season. praying for the Mo's.
erin stewart
Hugs.
I admire you and your post and for being there for your family 100%.
Thinking of you. Praying for you.
Loves,
Stacey
Tracey,
As hard as this decision was to make, I'm so glad you already have a peace about it. Giving up something you love so much will speak volumes to your family. I will continue to pray for you all.
Missing you already,
Tami
Tracey - love your heart as much as I loved reading your blog over the past year. You inspire and challenge us with your words and actions. I will be praying for you and your family.
Monica
xoxxo
Your blog is one of my favorite. I'm sad to see it go, but admire the strength and realization that it took for you to do this. I hope that all falls into place for you and will think positive thoughts. I'll peruse your old posts when I need a little inspiration!
WOW! Trac, I am praying like crazy for you all and so blessed again by your quiet faithfulness as a beloved daughter of God. I, as always feel smarter, better, more centered...as a result of reading your very vulnerable and articulate thoughts!
You know I love you. I always will, God has used you so many times in so many ways in my life these past years!
The funny things is that I have been thinking of you and praying for you a lot lately! I decided to check out your blog today because I was getting ready to give my sister in law the gift of your photography. Too funny how God's timing is!
Someone else will take the photos. I am not worried about that. No one takes photos like you - you are my preferred photographer, as you know - but for now others will have to do!
I am so proud of you for faithfully following the God who is in the business of more than we could ever ask or imagine!
Love ya - Stace
Sweet Tracey,
There are so many things that I would say to you to encourage you...but much more than this it is how our Lord will bless you immeasurably in your decision. Not just in a few months as you see this season in your life change, but years from now as the Lord will continue to pour out His blessings while you observe the fruit in the lives of your husband and children....Proverbs 31. :o>
I have learned that God will never waste any level of grief or suffering. The creativity that He has blessed you with that is intended to inspire and bless and glorify Him will sit under the soil like a bulb. The beauty that will emerge from this bulb as the winter has passed! Every shade, texture & melody will resonate more beautiful than you could ever image. For Him. Love YOU!
Blessings to you my friend.
This post just makes me love you more and want to know you more. I will wait for you. ;)
I will pray for you.
I will think of you often and send you little (((hugs))) from far away.
Good for you for taking care of yourself and your family and doing what you need to do in this season.
((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
xoxoxo.
Thinking of you and the kiddos. If you need anything, even if it's just an ear to listen or a shoulder to lean on - I'm here and you know where I live. ;)
Hang in there - things will be OK.
~B
How wonderful to know that God knows the plans He has for you! It makes tough decisions like this, just a "teeny" bit easier:) Know that you have many in the blogosphere that will be praying for you.
Oh Tracey,
How often I stop by and yet run out of time before I can comment. Not too unlike my blogging habits lately. I understand so much of what you are saying. Taking time to make dinner, take a walk, read that book to my son, GO TO BED ON TIME. I have been much overwhelmed lately and blogging went to the wayside. Only I want to everyday. And yet, I don't.
I'll be praying for you and your family, please feel free to pray for ours. I'm just happy health and marriage are all intact! Somehow I can't help but wonder if your personal chronic struggles are similar to mine.
I will miss your presence. IF you're on Facebook feel free to look me up. facebook.com/rose.pierce
XOXO
Rose
Hi Tracey,
I hope you are doing well in your journey. I'm sending you positive thoughts and prayers that you will work out whatever it is that you need to.
Rose
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