trial and error

The photo below? A complete gamble and a fluke. A ginormous Redwood had fallen between two other Redwoods and Bean was using it as a balance beam. I was standing at the end of the tree that is about eight feet off the ground. There was no way I could position myself to a height that afforded me a good camera position so I lifted my camera up over my head and rested it on the end of the trunk and fired away. I could not see what I was doing and had no idea where the right focus point would be. This is the one that I liked out of the fifty I shot...

Near our campsite was a HUGE tree stump that rose twelve feet into the air. It was wide enough for about six people to circle it in a giant hand held hug. Somewhere in time someone had carved ladder steps into into one side so you could climb to the top. The kids loved it and I wanted to capture them climbing it. Because it was centered among some dense Redwoods it was mainly in shadows. To aim upward from my place on the ground meant aiming up into the brightly lit sky. If you know anything about photography you know that two contrasting and intensely lit (and non lit) situations creates an almost impossible exposure issue inside your camera's brain. To expose for both situations is an exercise in futility. So I stood at the base and shot through a million exposure settings and hoped for the best. When I got home I had to lighten the darkened tree trunk and shrug a "who cares" about the overly bright sky. I was happy just to capture three shots that caught the kids climbing.

Bean was following her Auntie across the ancient stone foundation stones and the sun and shade was intense. (Insert a repeat explanation about two contrasty light issues here.) She was not about to wait for me to get my settings right so I just gambled. The stones are way too bright but I love this series. I love seeing my Bean leaping after her Auntie.

I share the above photos because I want you to know that I am not a perfect photographer. I take gambles and mess up my settings, still wonder sometimes what the heck I am doing. I share what I think are my best photos because I am proud of them, but also because I love them. 

When I began to delve into photography I came face to face with my limitations and constant failure (hello, I really didn't know what I was doing)  but the spark it ignited in my creativity was enough to keep at it. I never took a class (because of time, money, laziness, fear and loathing of homework) so all I had was myself and my relentless teacher named Trial and Error. And believe me, being a student of Trial and Error can be a bit frustrating. But she is a persistent teacher that works you hard if you refuse to give up. This blog is a tattoo upon my body of growth that bears witness to the fact that when I keep at something I will improve, but not without some "flops".

I used to go onto photo forums and compare myself with the million amazing photographers out there. I hung my head in frustration over my blown out highlights and my less than perfectly sharp photos. I tried out styles and techniques in an attempt to become what I thought must be a "good" photographer. And a lot of times I erased photos I liked because I thought they would not pass approval by some unseen photo critic. (Boo the unseen photo critic!)  But somewhere along my photographic journey I have come to a deep conviction that finding my voice and style is the biggest personal challenge that I can tackle because it is the only way to discover just how I was created to create. And it is the only way to maintain my love and joy and passion for picking up my camera.

I know that imitation my be a form of flattery but it lacks authenticity. In my opinion, to imitate is to be a second rate version of someone else...and to lead a less than satisfying life. The best you can do is to become a student of Trial and Error. Working, failing, gambling, moving, shifting, learning, listening, until you find that place that is uniquely you. If what you do is not "perfect" by somebody else's standards, but is loved by you, then it is perfect and authentically you.

Please know that I am humbly still a student. 

I pray that you too, will daily choose to find and embrace the perfectly imperfect, authentically beautiful, creatively created you.

Welcome to Monday.

xoxo