baby's got her pink shoes...and then some

There was a time in my life, pre-marriage, that I would have easily sacrificed my weekly food budget money for a pair of unnecessary shoes. 

Food? Who needs food? 

So it is no surprise that during that time in my life I had a closet full of shoes, and I was a few pounds lighter. JK. I never starved myself. I just weighed less because my younger-something metabolism was lightening fast, unlike it is today. (But that's another discussion.)

But it's true about the closet full of shoes. It was just so hard not to buy them. How could I go home without them? And it did not help to have a roommate or two that also loved to buy shoes. (Yes, let's blame it on them. Bad bad influences!)

Then I was hit with a dose of reality.

After I married, stopped working after my second born, our budget grew much tighter. Like uncomfortably tighter. Suddenly the "clothing" budget line item amount grew smaller and it had to be spread among three other people. Baby needed new socks, hubby needed new work shirts, and the twenty dollars I had left had to be spent on a badly needed, totally necessary, new bra, or something boring like that. (My thought has always been, that unless I was Madonna, my bra would be seen by no one outside of my home so why would I want to spend my money on a bra?!)  Somehow I knew that it would not be appropriate if my family all showed up to the dinner table to find only rice and beans while I sat happily donning my new red flats...or caramel suede boots...or black patent pumps.

Yes, unnecessary shoes became totally...unnecessary.  

I grieved a little bit. 

A lot.

And then a strange thing happened: after awhile (like several years) of not having a lot of money to spend willy-nilly on the unnecessaries, I found I did not want what I thought I wanted. Moreover, I even found that I did not need what I thought I needed. And we're talkin' more than just shoes.

In fact, it was a little disconcerting to uncover the things that fueled my overwhelming "wants". I found that "wanting" something is fueled by a loaded mixture of discontent, grudging admiration for something someone else has, or a belief that to have that something will scratch and itch that is insatiably itchy.

Going without is sometimes the best medicine. 

To tell you the truth, it was a bit freeing. 

I began to understand what it felt like to live a more simple life.

But to be honest...once in a while I walk through a shoe department and spy a pair of totally unnecessary shoes and think about what it would be like to purchase them. I find I do not have the same craving as I once did, which is nice, but I wonder if I would feel differently if I suddenly had a lot of money?

For I never want my cravings to expand to the size of my wallet. I actually fear this happening should I ever win the lottery.

So, if I ever do win the lottery I give you permission to remind me of this. Not that I believe we are to not enjoy the blessings that are given to us, I just don't ever want to be ruled by the cravings to have the unnecessaries. You know what I mean?

Again, feel free to smack me upside the head if you hear that I've won the lottery and then you see me walking around in a pair of totally unnecessary shoes.

(The ones that Lady Gaga wears through the airport come to my mind.)