found

It is Monday.
I awoke this morning feeling like I could sleep another day but I rolled out of bed and shuffled my way downstairs. I am not a coffee drinker but this morning I probably could have joined the dark side if someone had pushed a cup into my hand. As I rounded the corner into the kitchen I noticed an almost empty bowl of tuna sitting on the counter. I picked it up and brought it over to the sink but then decided to just put some plastic wrap over it and eat the last couple of bites for a snack later (because I hate wasting food). As I turned and walked over to the drawer to grab the plastic wrap I felt the bowl tumble right out of my hands, hurl into the kitchen cabinets and then smash into a million pieces. I stood frozen staring at the tuna splatter on the kitchen cabinets, thinking that if this were an episode of CSI the forensic team would certainly be able to decipher what had happened: the tuna splatter was indicative of a forward lateral bowl release causing tuna bits to smack in a perfect fan-pattern on the cabinet. (Though the one chunk of bowl my hubby found ten feet behind me on the family room carpet was a bit random?)

My second thought was...this was so not worth saving the two bites of tuna.

My third thought was...hello Monday.

We cleaned up the tuna. I grabbed a small cup of cereal with almond milk, sat down to the computer to look at pictures from yesterday's family adventure and felt this overwhelming blue'ish feeling wash over me from head to toe. In my world, Blue is a familiar friend to exhaustion and stress. Perhaps you know him too?

In my restlessness I found this picture from a few days ago. She was a somber little girl, always on the outside of the circle, quietly observing her classmates. A few minutes before this picture she was on the outside of the block circle watching her friends play "puppies". When I discovered the block window I lifted my camera to capture the scene through the window and there she was observing me. I had been found.

Sometimes in my yuck-o moments I just want to cease to exist. Disappear for a moment and find myself alone in a hammock on a deserted island.

And then sometimes I think deep down I just want to be found. Like turn the corner and catch my breath to find all along God has seen me. Not just carelessly and distantly watching me, but watching me with an intimate passionate love of one who knows me...my beginning and end and all the days in between.

I know it is true that indeed his eyes never leave me, but on a blue tuna Monday I need a reminder.