sail me to You

I have started this post a million times over the last couple of weeks but with every start I have found myself stuck with the inability to articulate what it is that I want to say.

Here I am again, and still I am fumbling over my thoughts. Sometimes I think perhaps it means that I should just shut up. When you cannot articulate it, perhaps it is not yet time to say it?

Anyway, a few of you have asked via email and comments how things are going, and commented on  my frequent posting this month, noting that it seems that I am "back" to blogging. Well, yes. It would seem so. :)

Here is where I lose my ability to fully articulate my thoughts regarding the why.

All I can say is that up until on January I was content and relieved to not pick up my camera or write, or blog, or whatever. But on January 1st, I found myself tucked in bed on a quiet afternoon, writing in my journal, when three words effortlessly appeared on the blank page before me.

Healing
Health
Hope

I wrote more detailed descriptions beside each word, but these were the three main words. I am not a person who normally sets new year's resolution so these words were not my efforts to pull myself up by my bootstraps and gosh-darn-it, have a better year. Instead, I sensed they were a banner being spoken over me for the coming year.  It was as if, in unison, God and my spirit, spoke a blessing and prayed it onto paper for my eyes to see and my heart to hear. I have never experienced a moment like that before, where my spirit speaks before my mind can do so. But there you go. I believe it was divine.

Ironically, my circumstances have not changed much since I wrote that post in October, but those three words have been echoing ever since. And things, beyond my ability to fully articulate, have been moving like an undercurrent beneath the surface. I told my husband the other day that I felt like I was standing in a noisy room full of people and I could hear a faint beautiful song coming from somewhere, in a back room, through the heater vent, a neighbor's house. I know there is a song underneath the surface of noise and circumstances that I am learning to hear. (Perhaps this is what it means to have the eyes and ears of my heart cracked opened? )

All I know is that I am straining to listen because I think a fragment of that song is saying:  This is how I fashioned you to create...so Tracey, go pick up your camera and write your words, and create.

That is all I can say for now. There is more, but I do not believe it is time to articulate it all so I will just leave it alone and be content with that.

Thanks for joining me this past month, and for the gift of your encouragement.

xoxo
t