not yet...

Someday she will be too old to play at the park.
But that someday is not quite yet.
I know it's soon, because there is another person emerging from the skin of her little girlness.
This new girl is a bit more opinionated, more--shall we say--sassy, more self conscious.
I need a manual.
I need an orientation week like they have at school.
I need a laser gun that will freeze time.
I need to breathe in, breathe out.

I am not ready for this.
How do you let go of your little girl?

friday summer love: summer camp's smelly success

We picked him up on Sunday after a week away from us at summer camp.
He and his buddy didn't shower, brush teeth, change underwear.
He had a blast.
You cannot imagine what it was like for me to open his duffle bag in the laundry room
and be greeted with the smell.
I actually chuckled.
Apparently he wasn't trying to impress any of the girls.

sparkler magic

Every kid should hold a sparkler at least once in his life....

Yesterday on the 4th we were gone from morning 'till night hanging with good friends and eating our way through the day. The weather was beautiful, perfect for a water balloon fight and hanging out on the front lawn. We ended the day with some sparklers that I had purchased at an out-of-town firework stand.

Street works are completely illegal in our part of the state so it makes me sad that my kids have not been raised to experience the once-a-year agonizing wait for the fall of darkness on the 4th, when their father and uncle would drag out the boxes of fireworks to set off in the street. (I always felt that the sun set slower than usual on Independence Day. Anybody else feel that way?)

I am having to create a new kind of 4th memory, so yes, I broke the law, and splurged for some sparklers. I feel quite confident in posting these pictures even though my brother works for the state law enforcement. It's not that he wouldn't turn me in because I am his sister, it's because--ahem, cough cough--he knows what he was doing in his front yard at the same exact time we were lighting our sparklers. If you get my drift? Ok, that's all I am going to say about that.

So anyway, back to the sparklers...

Honestly, night photography is an art form at which I am not very skilled. But my Picture Inspiration assignment this week was to "dig in" and explore another art form, have some fun, get a little messy. I think I was a little broad with my interpretation of this assignment but I went with it. I have always wanted to try some night photography so I decided to make this my "dig in" moment. I discovered how fun it was to play with the settings to see what I could create. It was also fun to watch the kids "dig in" and explore what they could do with their sparklers. They wrote their names in the air, twirled and danced. Here's Bean writing her name on the street...

I learned a little bit in the process of having fun. I learned how to work with my shutter speed, and follow the light and work in darkness, which is tricky. It was a successful "dig in" moment for me.

And a super fun way to end Independence Day.

A happy belated 4th to you all. Hope it was a fun one.
t

stuff I want my kids to know: your life is a gift

Kids,

Sometimes I watch your from afar and I am overwhelmed with love for you. I pray that you come to know just how much your life is a gift, stretched out before you with endless possibilities. Imagine yourself as an explorer, embarking on a journey. Only you can make the choices to abundantly live, or squander away, your life as you make your way through the mountains and valleys.

Whether it be in the public eye or in the quiet of your own private struggle, with God's help, you are capable of accomplishing any goal, or working through any obstacle. And you are strong enough to bear any cross. (For there will be crosses to bear.) With him, you possess more strength than you know.

So in good times, climb that rock and stand with the Light on your face and thankfully count your blessings, for there will be many. A thankful heart will always keep your heart in tune.

In difficult times, climb that rock and stand with the Light on your face, humbly take up your sword and shield and set your heart and mind to the truth that you are a warrior. A good warrior who is deeply loved by a sappy mama and a good God.

Mom
xoxo

(My Picture Inspiration theme this week was to capture "exploration". Couldn't help but capture this little explorer with his shield and sword, looking out over the valley below him.)

stuff I want my kids to know: you are already cool.

Kids,

I know I am just your mother, much older than you, and soon to be totally unable to relate to your life, but I just wanted you to have a very important little nugget of truth that will help you get through these next few years.

Here it is:

While you struggle with trying to "fit in", wondering just how far you need to go to be "cool" in the eyes of those who define "cool" (whomever that may be), please know that cool is what you make it because you already are, and forever will be, cool.

I know this is a very parental thing to ask but, who makes the "cool rules" anyway?

In my forty-two years of living I have not found that person outside of myself and I am pretty sure you will not either.

You = cool. Period.

Mom
xoxo

moody

My Picture Inspiration assignment was to capture "moody".

We could take it in any "mood" direction we wanted, but we were to pay attention to light and composition in a way that would evoke a mooooood.

Hmmm...I might have added an extra dimension by literally capturing "mood". I didn't set out to do this, it just kinda of evolved.

Extra credit?


(And yes, I did make up that word "attitude-y".)

seeing double

What is like to wake up every morning to your own face smiling back at you?

To never be alone, be without a friend?

To share a birthday?

To have people (or...ahem...someone like me) confuse your names?

To out-number your big brother when you gang up on him?

To struggle for your own identity...or take comfort in the similarities?

To share a closet full of clothes...or want your own closet full of clothes?

To share the same messy room...or clean room?

To share experiences with someone who will be a back up in case your memory fails?

To know each other better than any one else could?

Tell me girls, because I have always wondered what it would be like to be a double of someone else. Two humans formed from the same mold; replicas with intricate and subtle differences. I wonder if you take comfort in your doubleness or if you seek ways to individuate. I guess it might be different for every set of doubles and yet, I will never know. I share no mirror image with another. I am me, and I am all I have.

So tell me, what is it like to be a twin?

******

My Picture Inspiration assignment this week was to photograph "a coupling". Two subjects, together, identical or not, but somehow fitting of each other. I chose to capture an identical coupling in human form. How could I pass up this opportunity? If you had a photo assignment such as this and there were twins standing in front of you, wouldn't you be begging/bribing them for a photo too?

I see you sitting there in front of your computer screen, nodding your head "yes".

Thank you.

my current favorite sweetness

One of my favorite little smiley faces. Every time I see her and her mama on our school campus I have to stop and coo over her. This time I happened to have my camera!

She is seriously cuter than this in person. If that is possible. And all of her three older sisters are equally as adorable. They all look like their mom. :)

And since I am posting photos of her baby on my blog I thought I'd give a little shout out to mama and her crafty goodness. Her facebook status updates are always full of her crafty, baking goodies that put to shame any domesticity I possess. She is also a photographer and does a bit of graphic designing for our school. All this with four girls and a house that she keeps clean. Whatever...

Ok, so go give her some love on mama's Rockin' Cali Girls blog. She also has an Etsy site. She embellishes little baby clothes and socks with her rockin' sewing skills. Click here to go visit her and then come back and convince me that I do not need to have another baby just so I can have that little Mickey-eared onsie. Though another baby might keep me from stealing hers...

She's my current favorite sweetness. :)

p.s. If you need some more kid cuteness, please click here. I promise it will make your day. (And inspire you to greatness.)

looking up

They spend the first part of their life constantly gazing up at the adult world above them. Dwelling in a land of giants is all they know until they outgrow us. Their bodies double in size by the time they are two. From then on they are on the long stretch of growth to double their body size again, which reaches the finish line at adulthood.

Until then, they are continually looking up to us in more ways than we care to admit. Physically, they are looking up to us as they toddle and reach for the hand we extend to them. Emotionally they are looking up to us as well. Yet we are often talking down to them, condescending in our words, because we have this need to remind them that we know better. Oh how easy is to look down from our proud height, take advantage of their small size and abuse their vantage point. 

I think the greatest thing we can do for our children (or any child) is to work hard at being worthy of their gaze upward.  Which means that we offer a hand of respect and a reassurance of their own worthiness in return. In other words, our "looking down" upon them should only be in the form of a tender smile, a loving pat on the head, a heart-felt praise.

Because it's true, sometimes we do know better. For a while. And we should act and behave as the more mature one should: with the wisdom, respect and love of someone who has earned her right to be looked up to. 

One thing I know about children is that they give of their love freely, unconditionally. They are riding on our feet, clutching our legs, chatting at us, wishing to be a part of us, wishing to be just like us. Their love knows no judgement, until they learn the ways of looking down from us. 

So in that respect, I think sometimes we have much to learn from them when we gaze down and see their open smiles, their affection, their devotion. 

They do not even know how much they can teach us. We realize this when we learn to stoop down from our high vantage point, look at their example, look up to them. 

*******

My Picture Inspiration assignment this week was to capture a photo from above, from a birds-eye view. If you know me, you know I love me a good birds-eye view. This one was easy as Bean straddled my shoes and hugged my legs and offered up her sweet sweet smiles. 

one image: perfect enough

They were waiting for me to set up my camera on my makeshift tripod that consisted of one bunched up, sandy sweatshirt. I was planning on joining them via the self timer function but the light was almost gone and so I was trying to fiddle with the exposure because of all that back light.

I snapped this one as a tester and it wound up being my favorite...

Camera facts:
Canon 5D Mark II
24-70 2.8 lens
ISO 800
Shutter speed 640
Aperture 2.8

What I love about it: the fact that my eye goes straight to Bean's and then travels down the line to the Kid. It is a sliver of a family moment caught on a California beach on a warm spring evening as the sun is dipping below the horizon.

What I wish I would have done better: adjust my position to get the narrow plane of focus to include Bean's face. As it is, she and the others, are just a smidge behind it.

I still love it. I am going to frame it.

My friend sent me a link to an article about a photograph that had just been auctioned off at Christie's for over three million dollars. It was the highest price every paid for a photograph in an auction.
Here's the link to an article about it. Come back and tell me what you think. It's nothing I would ever take, put in frame, or hang on my wall. :) But someone liked it enough to fork out millions for it.

Here is what I know for sure:
Some things require perfection, like brain surgery, rocket launches, and the building of an atomic bomb. Anything less than perfection would be disaster.
But, if you love a photograph that you have taken, it is perfect enough. Even if your photos are not published, bought, or auctioned off.

Zach Arias, a well known photographer, once said, that you may be one of the top ten photographers in the world and no one even knows it. In other words, the perfection standard by which someone becomes a "top ten" photographer is left up to the subjective eye of those who create those "top ten" lists. Throw in a good amount of exposure, marketing, and luck and that will up your chances at making it to the top as well...and then one day maybe being fought over in an auction.

I say, passionately create like you already are one of those undiscovered top ten, and you will be perfect enough.

linked: hair

So my blog linking partner, Michelle, made the decision this week to link up with a post that would feature hair. Hair.
The funny thing about this, and she doesn't know it, is that just days before she threw out that theme I had just taken a bunch of photos of Bean doing her own version of a Vidal Sassoon commercial. I was actually attempting to practice nailing a focus point when my aperture is wide open (which is hard at an fstop of 1.2) and so I asked her to give me a little motion. She gave me her Vidal hair flips and swishes.

The following photos are what I captured, wide open at 1.2, in full motion, in focus...and not.
I love all of them.

I realize that I may have dated myself by referencing a Vidal Sassoon commercial. I am a child of the 80's people. I was raised on Vidal Sasson commercials. A trip to YouTube will showcase several of the many commercials I grew up watching. Click here, for one of my favorites.  Wait for the last few seconds of the clip and watch the sassy flip. We used to practice that in the mirror. I think my Bean has perfected it. What do you think?

I think yes. It also helps that she has enough hair to go around for three other people. She inherited my thick head of hair. The head of hair that I loathed throughout my entire adolescence. The head of hair that the stylist could not even get a comb through on my very first visit. The head of hair that I washed every day and tried to style and would wind up in a frizzy mess. I cried most mornings during my high school years. (High school years were not my best hair years--add to it was the fact that it was the 80's and hair was just not attractive on anyone.) Let's just say that Vidal needed to make a personal visit, one that would have relieved me from most of my adolescent trauma.

But, I am so prepared for Bean's youth and hair issues. I have lived through it all (even a perm!) and I can now say that our hair is best left unwashed for a span of two to three days. We do not need a volume or body boosting shampoo. We do best to wash it at night, or air dry it.  And a good flat iron is our best friend, or a good frizz control oil to make soft waves.

Do they even still sell Vidal Sassoon?

I could go on and on about hair care for thick hair-headed people (not thick-headed people, but thick hair-headed people), but now it is time for you to go and visit Michelle and Stacey, my fun blog linkup partners, and see what hair biz they've styled up.

For Michelle's May 19th hair post, click here.
For Stacey's May 19th hair post, click here.

And if you have any good hair tips, product recommendations, please...don't be shy...inform me. I still need a little help.

umbrella friday/saturday: coming and going and "the staying"

This is Friday's umbrella post, posted today. Blaming Blogger and their "issues" they were having over Thursday and Friday. All is well now, so on with life and blogging we go...

I took these photos when I was in China Town a couple of months ago. This local woman was hidden behind the protection of her umbrella, braving the weather, intent on her destination and unaware that I was following her.

I have titled this set, "Coming and Going".

Sometimes I feel as if I am always in one state of coming or going, and yet I am rarely taking the time to be in neither. In fact, sometimes I am actually thinking about my return when I am on my way to some destination. I will stop myself in my thoughts and realize that I am "living" my life one moment ahead of the present. Which is silly because I am not really "living" my life in the moment ahead because it is not the moment I am in, and therefore not a real moment.

That was a lot of "moments".
Anyway, you know what I am saying?

What I am trying to say is that my mind is always ruminating in my comings and goings and not really skilled at practicing "the staying". The staying is the hardest.
Because the staying in the present is the real, unrehearsed life. It requires an acceptance of "what is" that the future has yet to force upon me. And sometimes that "what is" is not what I pictured when I was doing all of that ruminating in the coming and going.

So maybe you can relate when I say that I am learning that I waste much of my life when I ruminate on my comings and goings. My life should be about learning to make peace with the staying. Because the staying is the only real moment I have.

My blogging friend Andrea, posted her own umbrella post today too. Go check her post out (click here), and the rest of her blog. She is a budding photog herself so leave her some comment love!

linked: from the car

5/13 Post edit: So for the last two days Blogger has been not working and so any attempts to post and link, etc. were met with an "error" message. This original post below was lost and so I had to go back in and rewrite write the portion of it that had been saved. Such a PAIN. Anyway, here we go again...

(And Friday's post will be up tomorrow. We're flexible right?)

After fifteen years of marriage I can still say that one of my favorite places to be is alone in the car with my hubby. Sans kids. With music of our choice. Or a perhaps a little driving in that beautiful, glorious silence.

It is a rarity, one that we did not appreciate until we no longer had it. That first day we drove home with our son from the hospital with him fastened securely in the infant car seat, we entered a completely new world of the driving environment: one that is filled with kid noise, kid's music, passing of snacks, refereeing of squabbles, fielding questions, and fishing for lost sippy cups, dropped pacifiers, and blankies. Like I said, one cannot learn to appreciate what one has until it is reduced to a scarcity.

On Mother's Day I had a couple of hours of that glorious car space with just my boyfriend.

And it just so happened that my blogging link-up partners, Stacey and Michelle and I had just decided that our "linked" assignment this week would be "from the car."

There could not have been a more perfect time to pull out my camera.

I am anxious to see what "from the car" moments Stacey and Michelle captured this past week.

Head on over to their May 12th blog posts and view with me!

For Michelle's post, click here.

For Stacey's,  post click here.

Happy Friday,
T