arrival

Friends. Meet Spring. She finally arrived here in the form of blazing sun, 80 degree weather, and allergies. I just noticed last night my poor son sniffling and trying to breathe while waiting for his shower to warm up.

It's Friday and I am beat. This probably has something to do with the fact that after two weeks of not being able to go on my walks because of the rain, I have walked four miles every day this week, and then some. Seriously that is kind of pathetic that I am so beat by walking. There was a phase in my life where I used to run, until I dropped a seven pound frozen ice-cream maker bucket on my toes one summer. Up until then I could boast that I had never broken a bone in my body, and that I was a "runner",  but after that incident I was totally humbled and I never got back on my running feet.

Anyway, I digress.

So spring came, I have over-walked myself, and now I am whining. I am taking a few days off from blogging to recover (because, uh... doing all that walking really puts a cramp in one's blogging muscles) and get some stuff done that is hanging over my head. (Interpret: I'm overwhelmed with too much stuff right now that something has to give.)

Enjoy your weekend. Tell me about your plans, your Spring dreams, your allergy remedies for my son (preferably natural remedies).

Or just tell me that you can sympathize with my Friday slump. I don't want to feel like the loner that I already feel I am.

mindful

For me, the ultimate place of photographic comfort and joy has always resided in those moments of unfolding story. I thrive on the spontaneous and I grow frustrated with myself when I feel as if I am capturing the cliche. (Though "cliche" is so subjective.) This is why I am often chasing movement, depth, and authenticity of a moment when I pick up my camera. I love that challenge.

But lately, as I have attempted to listen to the part of me that wishes to create, I have had a desire to slow down and be more mindful. More thoughtful. This kind of creating is somewhat agonizing for me as it requires me to be much more process oriented. I am not a process person. Just ask my husband. I would rather you tie me up in rope and drag me behind a car on a road littered with broken glass rather than putting me through some process. (Just writing about process makes me queasy. I'm not kidding.)

So it has been a surprise to me when I pick up my camera to hear myself say, slow down, be mindful of the process. 


For what purpose? I ask.

The word discipline surfaces in my mind. It's a companion word to process that makes me squirm. And yet I think of all the times (really not that many) that I have chosen the path of discipline and, as a result, I have been the recipient of an amazing gift in return: the gift of beauty, growth, maturity. Starting this blog as an act of discipline over two years ago was one of those moments in my life I chose the road I rarely had traveled. (I am so thankful I did.)

With my photo journalistic bent I am usually making a million decisions at once in regards to my manual settings and my composition because life is moving quickly in front of me and I am anticipating the images in my mind that can only be caught in a millisecond or else I will miss them.  For me, it is all about envisioning an end product before it has happened, with a nanosecond of process time to get there. And that nanosecond of process time is such an adrenaline rush, the end product so rewarding. (Just writing this fills me with joy.)

This is not really the case with a more slow, thoughtful approach to photography that exercises a completely different photographic muscle in which the artist takes her time in creatively thinking about how she would like to capture her subject. (ARG, tie me up to that car.) She thinks about her settings, her light, and arranges them "just so" to achieve the vision in her mind. This mindful approach has never been my forte.

So, last week, with this nagging whisper of an encouragement to try a more mindful approach, I set out to photograph these flowers I had bought for my mom. I wanted to photograph them before I gave them to her, before the opportunity was gone. Instead of plopping down on the ground with them and aiming my lens in their direction, attempting various compositions, I actually stopped and approached them with an ounce of thoughtfulness. I took some time to envision what it was that I wanted to capture (this was hard for me) and then set up a background, chose the right light, and purposefully chose my camera settings. I kept telling myself that I had time. I could do this as long as I wanted until I achieved the result I wanted.

There were seriously a few moments in which I had to lay down on the ground, stare up at the sky, and take a few deep breaths. I am not joking. But I eventually I ended with these and I am somewhat pleased.

I hope you do not hear that I am trying to make myself be a kind of photographer that I do not really want to be. I simply feel this need to practice mindfulness for the purpose of challenging my creativity in a way that I believe will push me gently towards a fruitfulness that I long for. The fruit of growth.

And since I am on this need to create more uncomfortable squirming, over a week ago I signed myself up for an online creative photography course. It's a YEAR LONG course with weekly prompts/assignments. As with many of my more important life decisions I rashly decided to do this and then promptly regretted my act of faith. But I know from experience that those "rash" decisions were always the best ones I made because I know my heart was moving quicker than my mind could respond in fear. (One of the few times that mindfulness can backfire.)

And come to think of it, now that I am blogging about this I am even more aware of the uncomfortable accountability factor which goes along with discipline and process and all of those big words that make me queasy. 

So my friends, at least once a week I will attempt to be mindful. I know this is good for the creative soul. I do. It is good to submit to a process if it means that I will taste the fruit of growth. This will not be easy for me but I can do it. 

I may have to roll over on my back and stare up at the sky and take a few deep cleansing breaths but I will submit to the process of being more mindful. 

(And please pay no attention to me if I'm begging you to tie me up to that back of that car.)

all is well

My camera is back. 

I am very happy.

I felt like I lost my voice and someone just gave it back to me.

 

I could jump for joy.

Peace and love to you.
Happy Friday.
xoxo

a lesson from a Ranunculus

If I may be a little honest...it's been a draining week. Emotional. The kind of week where tears are at the surface and I find myself unable to settle. I hesitated writing this but I can't post happy and funny. Not today.

The Ranunculus is one of my most favorite flowers, especially in bunches. This snapshot is of a bouquet that was given to my dear friend when she received the heart sickening news that her mother (also a dear friend) was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. I took this picture over a month ago during a visit and it has sat in a file waiting for me to give it the proper attention.

So here I am today posting it because I believe God has used it to remind me of something...

that though my circumstances at present are draining, they have not brought me to face to face with the reality that my life is near its end. My circumstances, though painful, are not "stage 4".

Perspective: a term I use not to invalidate the struggle of my personal reality, but to weigh it on the life scale and find it slightly off balance in comparison to the more weightier of possible life problems...such as facing terminal lung cancer, or loosing an unborn child, or waking to the news that your husband has been in a fatal airplane crash (all of which have happened to personal friends over the last year). I am alive. My kids are safe in bed. There is food in my pantry and gas in my car. I have a loving family,  an amazing husband, and a God that loves me.

Thank you Ranunculus for reminding me of this.

iheartfaces: two beautiful blooms

Two of my favorite flowers together in one photo. How very appropriate for a Monday morning. We heart a happy Monday right??

Some happy things that you will not know by looking at this picture:

1. She hand picked this daisy from the crowded bucket of Gerbera daisies at the Farmer's Market on Sunday.
2. It was her idea to put the flower behind her ear.
3. She had just taken her Sunday night shower and was wearing her purple Hannah Montana pj's.
4. She was graciously giving me seconds of her time as I was interrupting her Rock Band marathon with her daddy and big brother. (Dad was on the drums, brother was on the guitar, and she was, of course, on the microphone. She hearts the microphone.)

I thought her beautiful face and my favorite flower went well with the iheartfaces theme this week. Both are beautiful, both are soft, both are delicate. One is already in full bloom, the other on her way. I heart them both, but I heart my Bean the most. Happy Monday to me!


And happy Monday to you too! Don't forget to go check out all the other entries at iheartfaces.

It's the simple things

 Today I spent the day with a classroom full of 30 fifth graders as their substitute teacher.
(Well it was really yesterday by the time you read this, but just go with the flow.)

I. am. tired.

Even though this day was long, I have chosen to focus on my gratitude moments.
In no particular order...

Thank you God for those extra 10 minutes of lunch recess.
(Even though I got the schedule wrong and arrived back at school 10 minutes late.)

Thank you God that I didn't break an ankle while running back to class.

Thank you God for that brief moment I got to see my daughter waving at me in the hallway on her way to her switch class. I would not have seen her if I had not screwed up the schedule in my brain and had not been running back to class.

Thank you God for those three 11 year old girls who told me they thought I was a 20-something year old.
(God please bless them a little bit extra today.)

Thank you God for the moment with my daughter on the big seat swing at the park.

Thank you God for tuna melts for dinner. Simple and easy.

Thank you God for that check I found in my purse, that I had forgotten to deposit.
(My checking account thanks you too.)

Thank you God for the bowl of chocolate pudding Bean begged me to make.
I'd like to thank Trader Joes here too for their gift of goodness.

Thank you for my fuzzy Walmart Tinkerbell pj's bottoms. I never thought I'd love them as much as I do but, I do. Enough to wear them proudly outside with my slippers while taking my picture of the day.

Thank you God that the young hot guys across the street playing basketball could care less about the housewife in her Tink pj's and slippers. 

Thank you God that my neighbors weren't home so I could step into their landscaping and take pictures of their flowers.

Thank you God for leaving me just enough light to capture them.

Thank you God for the little gift of that bokeh flower. I am so tickled by it's presence at the top of the image. Love it.

Thank you God that despite my hectic day I can still find things to be grateful for.

Thank you God.



p.s. Oh yeah, God...that one about me looking like a 20 year old...that was a good one. (wink)

this or that?

daisies or roses?

daisies

pumps or flip flops?

flip flops

make up or au'naturel?

au'naturel

royal treatment or camping?

camping

expensive date with hubby or movie at home?

movie at home

fruity specialty drink or water?

water

nick nacks or empty space?

empty space

more or less?

less

noise or quiet?

quiet

cramped book shelf or a trip to the library?

trip to the library

full calendar or wide open days?

wide open days

city landscape or empty horizon?

empty horizon

frilly frou-frou or earthy?

earthy

fussy or easy going?

easy going

crowded party or dinner with a few good friends?

dinner with a few good friends

ocean liner cruise boat or canoe?

canoe

bling or no bling?

no bling

complicated or simple?

simple

bouquet of long stemmed roses or just-picked yellow daises on my windowsill?

just-picked yellow daises on my windowsill

xoxo

Taking a moment

I need a little moment here to stop and take a deep breath.

November is lurking ahead with a calendar full of "stuff". 

Do not know how I will get it all done.

But I do know, that if I do not stop and take each day as it comes,

then I will surely miss the journey that November could be.

"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough trouble of its own..."

Amen.

A study in contrast

It has been raining non stop. A deluge. Like a fire hose on full force and we are all trying to gulp it down. The gutters can't handle it. The traffic can't handle it. The tow truck drivers, I'm sure, can't handle it. (Hey, give the tow truck drivers a little love. My hubby used to be one.) And, our poor school principal surely can't handle it--as she had all the kids in the cafeteria during lunch time today and it was class picture day, which was in the...cafeteria. (Yes I had to redirect a few kids who wandered into some of the pictures--not joking.) I am not complaining, really. Even though the rain caught me unprepared when I realized my daughter did not own a single jacket. This I discovered as she is running out the door into the rain in her little flimsy sweatshirt, with her broken Dora umbrella, trying to keep the rain drops off of her fancy picture day outfit. (I will not be winning the mother of the year award.)  It's just we spoiled Californians, the gutters and drains included, have to acclimate. Adjust. 

Especially when just days ago we were all soaking up the sun, still wearing our flip flops. Should have taken our cue from the sunflowers and soaked up as much as we could. 

Like I said, just give me a few more days to adjust. 

A miss and a gift

California is bracing itself for it's first storm. Not a raging one, but our first fall rain with ominous clouds and a chill wind stirring the air. (Totally Halloween'ish) I was walking through my family room looking out at my lonely back yard. 

Spotted: the abandoned kids' wheel barrel. I should probably bring that in, and the golf club too, I said to myself. 

I sighed at the desolate yard and the lonely wheel barrel when a black bird flitted down and perched perfectly on the handle. 

Come on, look closely...can you see him? 

Well then, imagine it? 

Wow, I know, what a beautiful picture that would have been. That small little life amongst the deserted landscape. 

Yes, a total miss. I was completely, totally, utterly bummed.

I went and snatched a slice of bread and tossed out bits, trying to coax him back. Birds like bread right? But no one came. While resigning to the fact that I (and you) would have to settle with a mental photograph of the beauty of that moment, I noticed...

...peeking over my back fence. A lonely Morning Glory creeping over the fence to say hello. A small gift of beauty given back in return for what was lost.

p.s. While writing, I got up to grab a snack and noticed that all the little neighborhood Wrens had discovered the bread crumb feast. Several of them were bouncing through the dirt, into the wagon. Picture me doing the army crawl on my family room floor, camera in hand, coming up just over the ledge of the window to capture those winged friends. 

With their six sense they saw my big fat lens, and me, and took off. Darn that sixth sense.

Have you heard that birds have a "zone of tolerance". They each have a measurable distance that they will let you come near before their "flight" instinct kicks in. Wrens have a very large "zone of tolerance".

Pigeons and Seagulls have a very small "zone". That comes as no surprise I'm sure. Any trip to the beach or park and you feel like letting your hubby get out that pellet gun he's always itching to use.

Driveway residents

These little blooms have taken up residence along side my neighbor's driveway.

They have spread like an untamed wildfire, reaching out to lick your feet when you walk by.

Thought I would catch them in the fading light of the day.

Wow, I just realized that it looks I photo-shopped that bud right into the picture above. (His ghostly stem floating above the leaves.) I promise, I did not. I am not that skilled at Photoshop. :)

Dahlia Love

My very first post was a dinner plate dahlia found on my mom's back deck. 

It was one the first photos of a flower that I actually took, and liked.

Since then, I've learned how to spell dahlia correctly,

and I keep coming back to them.

A true case of dahlia love.

Giving in to the cone flower

Before I was really into photography I was not a big fan of flower shots. Just not my style I suppose...all that frilly flower stuff was "not me". But as I have been using my camera every day I have discovered that I am "one of those" photographers that is drawn to flowers. Ugg. I swear I am not frilly (though I did paint my daughter's room pink).

It's just that flowers are easy subject matter! I don't have to chase them around and I can work on my skills, playing with aperture and settings and angles and what not. I think I hovered over these flowers for quite some time and they sat perfectly pretty for me. No complaints. No "CHEESE!" No directing or posing...

And lately I've been sucked into another worm hole of post processing and textures and layers and, oh my, it is just too much. I can't get enough!

So. My apologies if you are NOT a flower girl (or boy). My apologies if it all just makes you gag.

I promise to keep the flower postings at an infrequent minimum. But for now, I am giving in to the cone flower and loving every minute of it! Thankyouverymuch!

Mom's Backyard

Just some of my favorite flowers found in my

mother's back yard...

I have taken many pictures in my mother's backyard. Being the green thumb that she is, there is always plenty to catch the eye. My very first post to this blog was one of my most favorite shots ever of a dinner plate dahlia residing on her back deck.

Oh, and another thing that has grown up in my mother's backyard: Tink, the sweetie, the chubs, the fence walker (and power line walker-- when she was just a kitten--freaked my mother out to find her up there). This is pic is for you mom...

These are the things that caught my eye...

...These baby blues. 

(If eyes could speak!)

...A neighbor's flower caught in the golden light from a setting sun.

...And my curious son, aptly titled: the "Explorer".

Yes, these are the things that caught my eye today.

A little explosive creativity

The 4th of July night festivities made a big impact on my son. We watched some street fireworks and he watched with awe as the big "boys" lined them up and lit them in the street. After all was said and done he went straight for the empty TnT Fountain, the grand finale, the mega, six fountain show stuffed in a barrel. I watched as his wheels spun with curiosity as to the how's and the why's of the mechanics of it all. He was elated when the big guys said he could take the empty barrel home...even more elated when I agreed to it. I waited until we were on our way home in the car, and as if on cue, the questions began to roll: "How does it work dad?" "Could it still explode?" etc. etc....

So the last two days he has ripped the big barrel apart to inspect the inside, carefully lifted some of the remaining label and scooped out the burnt powder.  He has then crafted his own "firework" out of three stacked empty toilet paper rolls, tape, string, and a black Sharpie pen. Oh and the left over powder is in there...it's gotta be official.

Ask if I am concerned?

Actually, I'm amazed. The Kid is just crazy inventive, ingenious, and creative. I tell him he could be an engineer but that sounds so boring to him so he dismisses it as a possible vocation. But I know one day he'll be creating and building for a living and we'll smile as we remember all the things he's invented along the way.

I am also not surprised. He's shown it off to his guy friends and they all agree to its coolness factor. "Dude, how'd you build that?!" Such a boy thing. Seriously. 

I'm just a girl. I like colorful fireworks (the kind you can watch with your kid's tucked in your lap and the summer night air on your skin)  but really, I like flowers. I won't marvel at the workings of an explosive, but I will marvel at the intricate life of a bloom. This is my creative version of a firework taken on the 4th.

So much more exciting...don't you think?

Sunday afternoon Part 1

Beautiful things I found growing and flowing at the nursery 

this Sunday afternoon...

Why Thy Neighbor???

 

Behold a mystery flower/weed growing in the shared space between my house and the house next door. So sweet and delicate.  Ah, but what you do not see is that it is attached to a celery type stalk, which is part of an overgrown, flowering, weed the size of a ginormous tumbleweed...that is seriously overtaking all other life forms in its path. 

At least I think it is a weed. Indeed, it could be an overgrown celery plant. But do they get that big? And why, I ask, would our neighbors plant a celery thing next to their driveway?!

You see, our neighbors are sweet people, but they have "planted" some odd things. And in a shared space, it can be a bit, you know, frustrating, when their idea of a "cool attractive plant" is not your idea of a "cool attractive plant".  

Scott was mowing the lawn last week while I pulled weeds and we both stopped and puzzled to ourselves: "Dang. What IS that thing? Do we pull it up? Is it edible? Is the HOA gonna freak about this and send us a letter?"  (They send out spies every week to make sure we are keep up appearances. We've already recieved two letters informing us that our lawn was not edged to "HOA standards".)

See, now you wish I had stepped back and captured the whole plant so you could puzzle over this with me. But I'm going to leave you with just this one picture. I want you to enjoy the simplicistic beauty of this tiny flowering something captured against a peaceful green background of bokeh.  That way you can be spared the angst of trying to love thy neighbor with me, despite the mysterious things they plant.

(I will not even mention the lone green cactus they planted, growing like a single skyscraper, between our gates.)

Discovery

While snapping off some pictures of the bouquet of flowers 

Scott brought home to me this afternoon,

I noticed that some"one" had already been enjoying a snack.

Perhaps it was some mysterious creature/alien who left her eggs behind?  I've always thought these have looked a little too larvae-y egg'ish. I know it's just part of the plant but it's weird.  My mom will know what these are. 

And I've always thought the underside of a sunflower was beautiful. 

Happy Thursday!

(Wow, I just felt an earthquake! 

They're a little scary when you are home alone.)