Discovery

While snapping off some pictures of the bouquet of flowers 

Scott brought home to me this afternoon,

I noticed that some"one" had already been enjoying a snack.

Perhaps it was some mysterious creature/alien who left her eggs behind?  I've always thought these have looked a little too larvae-y egg'ish. I know it's just part of the plant but it's weird.  My mom will know what these are. 

And I've always thought the underside of a sunflower was beautiful. 

Happy Thursday!

(Wow, I just felt an earthquake! 

They're a little scary when you are home alone.)

40

Today he entered into the land of 40.  I wanted to document him on this special day because, well, I guess to capture him in a moment he will never have again. In a blink he'll be 50, 60, 70. Ten years ago we were awaiting the arrival of our first child. He had fewer wrinkles, fewer gray hairs. Now ten years later--of fatherhood, life, work, growth, pain, hardship, joy and blessing--I find that I love those wrinkles and grays. And I love him more. His eyes are more colored with wisdom, the depth of his love more fearless and patient and kind. Who knew that almost 20 years ago when I walked into that UCDavis Safeway, went through his check-out line, that I would meet my husband-to-be--a very cute Safeway check out clerk. Sometimes I wish I could experience that one moment over again with that knowledge. My heart would have almost certainly skipped an extra beat. (Even though it kinda already did when my eyes first settled on him.) 

Amazing how our lives have unfolded, how he has grown into a man I love more each year. How blessed I am that he chose me. I would be lost without him.  Happy Birthday Pal.

My Mermaid

This girl could spend hours in the tub. She's always been a fish. Before she could officially "swim" she would dive down to the bottom of the pool, eyes wide open underneath the water, cheeks puffed with her air supply. Not knowing how to come up for air, she would kick her way along the bottom of the pool until one of us would frantically catch her up and bring her to the surface. It was nerve racking watching her do this. The day she learned to come up for air was the day I let out a long relief of an exhale. That day we both learned how to "breathe" in the pool. Now, if I could only get her out of the tub... 

Who knew what joy a DOLLAR could bring?

This is my handsome son...

Who bought two trees, a pine and a cedar, for a dollar each at the plant and flower show. And has moved them incessantly. Outside, inside, on the counter, on the bench...What is it about Zach and buying trees?! I'm completely baffled.  (Reminds me of our trip to the flea market.)

This is my beautiful daughter...

Who was given a dollar store birdie whistle from her Papa. And has tooted it incessantly. Inside, outside, in the bathroom, in the car...thank you Papa. 

And they say money can't buy happiness? Well obviously "they" didn't know what happiness a dollar pine tree, cedar tree, and a birdie whistle could bring...

Works of Art...

...found in my mother's back yard rose garden. 

Those last two center petals taking their time in opening up. 

Revealing yourself is a delicate matter...

...kinda like displaying one's work, for the first time, in an "art show". 

The theme of my three pieces was "fearfully and wonderfully made"--part of a verse found in Psalm 139. These three special needs children (Ashton, Annie, Aiden) were all born with a host of issues that could fill a book. Today they thrive in their own way, a testimony to the works of precious art that they are.

I still feel as if I have sooooooo far to go in my learning process but today was a reminder to myself that setting a goal (such as joining an art group with an art show date) is one way to apply the pressure. :) Because posting to a blog is one thing (how easy to hide behind my computer screen), but displaying myself in public is another. I struggle with feelings of worthiness. (Ha! the truth comes out!) I'm sure you can all empathize...we are our own worst critic. And no amount of compliments or accolades will change that. I am the only one that can dismantle that warped train of thought. And I'm working on it.   

Cool!

Look what the boys found! While Zach was earning money weed-wacking the dense weedage going on in our "void of a landscape" back yard, he and his dad discovered this molted reptile skin. The question is: lizard or snake? I wouldn't be surprised at either one, our backyard is a haven for God knows what.

But I have a preference. I'd much rather tell everyone that this is a snake's skin. Because a little known odd fact about me is that I really really like snakes. Well, not the poisonous ones but all the other cool ones, yes. 

Another equally odd fact about me is that I really do not like scaled creatures with legs. (My girlfriend once asked me to feed their bearded dragon while they were on vacation and I about died--even the grub worms I fed it were disgusting.) So yes, I know, it's rather odd of me to be biased towards scaled leg-less creatures.  I've gotten many a weird look over this. Questioning puzzlement. Sure, I can kinda see that it is odd, but seriously, it is the truth.  Here's a closer look...
Other fun notes that I need to document here:

First picture--note Zach's shorter hair. I told him that I am having a hard time getting used to it. I keep waiting for the "other Zach" to come back. Like he traded places with his long haired twin.  (You can see him with his long hair here.) I also love that you can see a faint glow of his crystal blue eyes. He's always had the best eyes.

Also, sad to say, no more pictures of random weeds. They've been hacked to stumps. Who knows what ecosytem we destroyed out there today. The bugs, snakes, lizards, birds, butterflies all of them left to find another habitat.

Down the Rabbit Hole

May I invite you, for a moment, to step into a random child-like, "down the rabbit hole moment"? 

Because I had such a moment this afternoon when I stumbled upon a little cluster of mushrooms popping up through the mulch along side our driveway. While flat on my back, peering through my viewfinder, I suddenly felt as if any moment I might see Alice rounding the corner into view, looking for White Rabbit...but instead, discovering Caterpillar atop Mr. Mushroom's cap smoking a hookah.  I could almost hear him say, "Who are YOU?"  as Alice squints up into his pudgy caterpillar face.  Are you with me? 

But perhaps you've never read Alice in Wonderland, or know of her odd adventures with the Mad Hatter and the Queen of Tarts. Or witnessed a Caterpillar smoking a hookah. Maybe you just envisioned some bearded garden gnome peering out from behind the mushroom's trunk eyeing you with curiosity, perhaps startled by your presence?

Oh! And if you were my daughter having the "down the rabbit hole" moment, you would almost certainly be looking for any Pixie Hollow fairy: Tink, Iridessa, Fawn, Bess, Rosseta, Vidia...waiting for you upon the cap, inviting you into a mischievous fairy adventure.  

But before I pull you too far down into the rabbit hole, (and before you decide I might be just one tiny marble short), I will leave you with a different picture. One that will just inspire a simple "ooh, how lovely" sort of response.  You know, one that will move you quickly off to your weekend.  Because after reading today's post you just may be questioning my sanity, eager to be out of here...

...that's ok. I'll admit that I am a step to the right of the sanity line. I promise that I am not smoking a hookah. It's called, "my daughter has been coming into my room in the middle of the night asking for cough medicine, wanting to sleep in the little bed on the floor (because she's afraid to go back to her bed), but tossing and turning and coughing enough to keep me semi awake/asleep until my husband's alarm goes off at 5am and then every 10 minutes because he's hit the snooze, and then everyone is up at 7am to get ready for school while I lay dazed and blurry-eyed on my pillow wondering if I slept at all?"  

In other words: sleep deprivation.

Always Trees

There is something dream-like, magical about looking up into a canopy of leaves and filtered sunshine. I love trees. Love them. I dream about them, really. I will never stop pointing my lens up into their beautiful covering of green and shade, their arms always lifted up in praise. Even the tiniest of leaves testify to the invisible life coursing through their veins. Brings me such peace.

Magical Moments in a Vans Shop

Some of you might have known that Zach has been without wheels lately. Bike, skateboard, scooter...all gone. Stolen.  Well, yesterday he got a surprise package in the mail, from a very kind soul who thought of him, miles away when she spotted some boards in a So Cal Vans shop...the same day that we took Zach to the Vans outlet near us for new shoes. He was in desperate need yet I had put it off due to the fact that I loathe having to shoe shop with him. We've never shared a mutual agreement on shoe styles.  I'm always left biting my tongue, wincing at his color/style choice, trying to let him be his own person, letting him choose.  So when we scanned the clearance aisle in the Vans outlet he pulled these out and we both magically agreed. A miracle. Perhaps we should all spend some more time in a Vans shop? 

Anyway, back to his new board...he was truly surprised at the kindness of someone he has never met. Very cool indeed. He was all smiles.

So now instead of having to resort to cruisin' on the ol' three wheeler--geez in socks! No wonder I'm constantly buying them...

He can now work his coolness on his new board. His Dad can work some skills too. And perhaps now he'll stop taking off on the tricycle, or M's purple Hannah Montana bike. (Or maybe not.)

(Thanks HC. You rock.)

Little Bamboo-ito

Today after school we took the kids up to see Baby Abby and her family...our focus this time was to help celebrate Charles and Linnea's 8th birthday. Right now they are staying in a new hospice type home near Oakland. It's beautifully situated against the hills and it's fully staffed to support and house families that are preciously savoring their last moments with their struggling child. I never knew such a place existed! I was truly impressed, and touched. The "house" has several suites in which families may call their temporary "home". The staff/nurses work round the clock to cook, clean, do laundry, babysit, play...all so that the family can be free from the daily grind and have more time to spend with baby Abby. They welcomed us all like we were family, stayed to even have dinner.  I couldn't help but thank God for such a beautiful, healing, selfless, loving place it was. The beauty of it in stark contrast to the painful reason we were all there.  

Abby is hanging in there, taking one day at a time. She is now on oxygen and morphine, to help keep her heart as steady as it can be. She is sleeping a lot, but she opened her eyes for a while to take us all in.  As we were leaving the home I snapped some shots of a beautiful bamboo grove. I thought, Abby's like a little bamboo shoot...a little bamboo-ito.  Tiny compared to the others but sprouting in her own little way, her journey her own amongst the rest of us all that are lovingly around her.

Abacus

With the first real heat of the spring I basically melt. My winter skin is not accustomed to it and I feel as if I need to go through an internal temperature adjustment. By July I'm usually good, but today it is only April 20th and I'm rather melt-ish. Soggy brained. Lethargic. 

So of course I have no desire to be outside, not yet ready for shorts weather to descend upon me. Thus I feel like it's a rainy day and I'm forced to have to turn inside to find a picture. Not really my fave.

So I took this ancient abacus off my coffee table and set it in some window light. Snapped off pictures of it and found myself lost in the little donut-like beads forever bound to their sticks. I bought this at a garage sale for 50 cents. Everyone touches it when they see it. I have no idea how to use it. Perhaps I'll google it after I finish this post. Anything to stay out of the first days of heat...

Visiting the snow one last time...

Over the spring break, my family was spontaneously invited to come stay at our friend's cabin up in Shaver Lake.  We've been there several times, and as always, it was an adventure.

The first morning we were there we packed up and headed out for "the mountain." With lunch, drinks, and GPS in hand we blazed forth on snow mobiles and the Polaris. My son, above, was in heaven. Though this snow mobile was a bit too big and powerful for him. He's just doing some wishful thinking there. 

It was a fun and bumpy ride. Diane was working her good Polaris driving skills...until we got stuck on a tree log. Here we are assessing the situation. 

While they dug the Polaris out the kids happily played. Immediately they located a fallen tree trunk to climb on. (I had to get Brandon in his alien-sized helmet.)

And of course it led to leaping off of it, landing in the soft snow.

Here is a picture of my wonderful husband.  Snow pant straps crossed over his favorite Ziljan shirt (Ziljan makes drum kits), orange goggles over his backwards Army hat ("Army Strong"). Sporting a 5 0'clock shadow. Classic, don't you think? You don't have to wonder where my son gets his fashion sense.

After a long day in the sun we came home and washed up and sat outside by the fire pit. (You know, so we could be clean and then soak up the campfire smoke.) I loved capturing Rachel here. Her profile outlined in the glowing setting sun...too beautiful.

But of course the day was not done.  Well, at least the testosterone trip was not. Our friend Nick got in Paul's rippin' Jeep and did some "rock climbing". The moms were a bit nervous (well, freaking out would be a better word) as we watched the jeep in full tilt hugging the rocks, suspension working over time. I have to say it was pretty cool to watch, despite the nerves. My son was in the back seat lovin' every moment of it. 
Over all, was a fun trip and I'm exhausted! But I'm glad we got up there one more time before the snow completely melted. Looking forward to getting back into the routine of school and life.

Fish!

Can you see the two little fish hanging on for dear life at the end of the weed grass? I spotted them after I uploaded them to my computer. I love discovering things like that!

I'm off for a couple of days as my family heads out of town for a little trip. Of course I'm taking my camera with me but I'll have to post to blog when we get back. 

Happy Wednesday!

Blaming it on the Wind

Let me start my story of an excuse over a week ago when my sister-in-law handed me her copy of Stephanie Meyer's famously addictive novel. Being an avid reader, I had put it on my mental shelf of books I wanted to read but had refused to buy a copy or wait in the eternal "hold" line in the Morgan Hill library system. I told myself that when the time was right, I'd find it in my hands. That time presented itself when I found myself in a book discussion with Gina (sis-in-law) and heard myself saying, "Do you have a copy I can borrow?"  Magically I found her hefty copy in my hands and was on my way.  (See, books do come to you if you wait!)

However, I came home and placed it on the floor by my bed and faithfully finished another amazingly good book of which I was nearing the end. (The Story of Edgar Sawtelle) I shed some tears over that one--the beautiful writing, the story and characters lingering (the mark of a good book in my opinion) so I was not too rushed to jump into another book I had a feeling would suck me in, drain me of every purposeful ounce, keep me from feeding my children on time, taking showers, answering emails. 

So today when we awoke, our family spring break plans were to head to the coast. At the last minute I threw my borrowed copy of Twilight into our beach bag with the "just in case" thought running through my mind. You know, if I had a moment to stop and sit on a blanket and capture some quiet beach moments...

Enter Wind. 

We headed to the coast fully aware that it was breezy outside (Morgan Hill is notoriously windy), knowing that we'd be bundled up at the beach, but the kids could still run and dig. (They really wanted to go!)  When we arrived at our favorite destination in Moss Beach it was very evident that the "breeze" we thought we could endure was a California version of hurricane force gales, throwing insanely sized walls of waves onto the shore line. Not to mention sweeping gusts of sand up the beach to greet us as we crested the dune trail to the beach. Yes, we immediately turned around and headed back to the car.  Zach observed what I had been thinking, "Mom, we came all the way to coast to eat lunch in the car!" 

In the safety of the car we all looked at each other with a "what now?"  The wind was obviously a factor anywhere outside so we listed our options and landed on my most favorite place: Chuck E. Cheese. Of course everyone in the Gilroy/MH area had the same idea but we entered bravely, threw financial caution to the wind and bought fistfuls of tokens, even a pizza (that's bravery folks). 

For the next THREE AND A HALF HOURS my kids and hubby were happily lost amongst the noise and "fun" while I conveniently curled up in a booth and cracked my book open and dived in. (I'd like to say that I saw two other mom's doing the same!) 

Yes, I will blame the wind today for pushing me through the first 173 pages of Twilight. I hesitate to thank the wind for allowing me to have three and a half hours of almost uninterrupted reading time. Because after living in the windy town of Davis for 7 years, spending most of my time riding my bike in the bug littered wind, I have come to a settled dislike for it. But, you know... I could almost enjoy it in my little Chuck E. Cheese booth.

p.s. first impressions of Twilight...I'm always amazed at how the most simplest of writing can make millions! It's the ability to tell a story and create characters that you want to identify with that gets people every time. (Case in point: Harry Potter)  Who does not want to identify with two people mysteriously attracted to each other? Dangerous liaisons always hit at some deep fleshly string. Formula works every time.

Tuna Obsession

So my son Zach has this love affair with tuna. Most especially a foot long tuna sub from Subway--his most favorite place on earth. And since I refuse to take him there for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (which he almost daily asks I do) he has taken to making his tuna "Subway style". Which is basically a little tuna with his mayo.

I can almost hear your tsk tsk's (unless you are a mayo generous tuna loving person such as Zach.) But let me defend myself...

First of all, if you have a son who is teetering that line of still liking to be mothered vs. self dependence you will know that having him make his own lunch is something to be encouraged most days. (Though I often still do make his lunch because I will always feel the need to take care of him.)

Second of all, the ooey-gooey tuna-fest happens mostly on the weekend. I am fully aware of the "danger" of daily tuna intake and so we limit it throughout the week. (Scott, who makes the school lunches, has a rotating sandwich schedule.)

And lastly, I have repeatedly preached the sins of over mayo-ing anything. A lesson in label reading usually follows. But I have come to believe that when it comes to food, making anything super taboo will usually result in future failure when my children come of age and begin to make food choices apart from me.  I call it the 80/20 rule. 80% of the time I try to practice and preach healthy eating habits. And the left over 20% of the time is, well, when we have the freedom to indulge. If you wanna gob your mayo on "Subway style" then, go for it. It's an exception. 

I often imagine Zach, off in college, going through jars of mayo and cans of tuna in a week. If he still has his bean-pole frame and super duper fast metabolism like his dad still does, then I have a feeling he'll be okay in the pounds department. His arteries may look a bit different and I'm sure I'll worry about them, but I think he'll be just fine. Who knows, he may just have very well given it up by then, having had met his tuna quotient by 15. Either way, we'll look back and laugh at we'll lovingly call..."The Great Tuna/Subway Obsession."

p.s. I had to capture the picture above for the obvious reason of capturing him with his tuna sandwich, but also to document his "man-cub" ways of eating without utensils and hands. It must be a 9 year old practice to slurp and lick food off the plate or counter before his mother can gently scold him into using some manners. There are some things we can never train them in, no matter how much we try!

Here he is making his tuna creation. 

I learned from him today that it's gotta be mashed, not chunky. 

Oh Easter!

"Only love, only love can leave such a mark,

But only love, only love can heal such a scar.

I was born, I was born to sing for you....

Magnificent."

U2

To dye or not to dye?

This is how I know that my 6 year old is still of the "dyeing Easter eggs" age........She's asked about the "when" of it everyday for the last two weeks. She went to bed last night like it was Christmas Eve, giddy with excitement. She awoke with eagerness, reminding her dad to get the eggs a boilin'! She ripped into her Tinkerbell egg coloring kit before her mom could read the instructions. (Vinegar or no vinegar?) She savored each of her 12 eggs as she lovingly dipped them into the pinks, the yellows, the pinks, the oranges, the pinks...never the blues. She tested them every second for dryness so that she could place a Pixie Fairy sticker on each--some with several. And lastly, requested that her dad boil two more eggs so that she could make more. (She had forgot to make a special one for her cousin Lauren!)

This is how I know that my son is no longer of the "dyeing Easter eggs" age.....Last night was just another ordinary night, bummed that he couldn't stay up until 10pm. He awoke and proceeded downstairs to watch some "Deadliest Catch". Bugged his sister, stealing the waxy drawing crayon from her hands, just to vex her.  Slowly made his way through coloring his eggs not because he wanted to savor it, but because he was bored, distracted, bugging his mom every second to let him dye some raw eggs so he could throw them later. And lastly, I know that he is not of the "dyeing Easter egg" age anymore because with every egg he wrote with that waxy crayon the messages: "Destroy Me" and "Throw at someone".  (shake head and roll eyes) Those will look lovely in their baskets tomorrow...

Saving the best for last

Our good friends and old neighbors came down for dinner this evening and a little photo shoot. My friend, Dawn, wanted some pictures of her daughters so we went to a park after dinner and ran around as I attempted to take some. They wanted to run and play with my kids of course! So here they are as we are heading back, trying to get them into the car. Tirzah (top pic) climbed the fence rail on her own and struck a pose and...well...there you go! Beautiful snap of her in the fading light! Then it was, "quick Tea...climb up and let me get one of you too!" We ran around for an hour and the last two shots of them are my favorite. Always seems to happen that way. Go figure!

Little Man

He's growing up too fast. Almost 10 and already his own unique person. Ten years ago I was just pregnant. Unaware of the journey ahead. Of course you think you know what it will be like...you make plans, discuss how you will parent, say, "I'll never do this or that." And then he comes with his feet hitting the ground, already running, barely catching a breath with each new chapter. And all those, "I'd never do this' and that's" come whispering back to you and you are humbled that you've even made it this far. They grow up mirroring back to you all of your flaws and mistakes, yet all the love you have emptied yourself of. It is just painfully yet beautifully that way, watching your son grow up to be a man.

Random Rainy Wednesday Snaps

Was loving the colors...

Was going for that Andy Warhol look. 

Thought it would look good blown up on a life sized canvas 

hanging in a stark white hallway, or in a play room...

More of the Scooter Kid. He's traded his sister's pink wheels, 

for a borrowed Hot Wheels number. He was loving the puddles today. 

His shoes are toast. I need to go get him a new pair.

Here's to a random rainy Wednesday

Little bit of ewww, little bit of awww...

Sorry about the ewww factor with the first pic. Move on to the second and you'll piece together the story that unfolded this afternoon...

A few things that came to my mind while snapping these pictures...

1.  I must be loosing it...I can't believe I'm trying to be artistic about taking a picture of a snail. I'm waiting for the stupid snail's antennae to cast just the right shadow. (Are they antennae?) 

2. Wait, I think this is the second snail-post I've done. Geez.

3. He has no idea what's going on, where he is. And I can't believe I'm thinking about this.

4. The "date and contents" are yet to be labeled, but would probably read something like, "040709. S.S. 0001. E.S.S."*  

5. Michaela told me that she put some chalk in the snail's "home" because she learned that they like to eat chalk--makes for a harder shell. That's just too weird. How do they know?!

6. Will the "air holes" Michaela poked in the bag be enough for him? Do snails use oxygen? I can't believe I'm actually concerned about this.

Then I looked at Michaela's "book" she was making about her snail and I just smiled. I love that she spent an entire afternoon collecting and creating.  And I love her snail. It reminds me of some Sponge Bob character--its the eyes, the little lips she gave him. 

I'm glad I documented this for her because there used to be a time when she was deathly afraid of snails.** When she was two, we found her in the middle of the backyard crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy!" pointing to something in the grass, her body frozen with fear. We ran out there to discover that she had come face to face with a snail. It took a couple of years to get her to today's point where she willingly captured one and was even excited to write a book on the experience. What progress!

*April 7, 2009. Snail Specimen 0001. Experimental Story Subject. (there's actually another one staying safe at the bottom of the bag)

**It's a genetic thing. Her Uncle (I won't name which one) was also deathly afraid of snails growing up. His mother thought it a good idea to buy little glass painted snails for him to help him with his fear--he didn't think it funny.

Underside of snail...

I just thought that's something my Dad would have said. :)

Capturing Wisteria

A beautiful Wisteria vine flourishes in my friend's backyard.  He's worried that with the coming rain this week that the flowering blooms will drop before their time, cutting short its blooming season and leaving the vines flower-less for Easter. So I was happy to capture some of the beautiful, and possibly brief, glory should that come true...